I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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