My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
