Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
