While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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