Don't you send me to vm
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
