She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
