you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
