Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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