she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Randomize
