he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Come on in and take your pants off
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