im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
