I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
