You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
