Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You pole danced in your parka.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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