Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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