Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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