smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
