i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
