She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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