Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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