I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
