She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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