I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
