hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
