Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
