Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
