So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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