Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
