You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
