I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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