He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
