ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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