Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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