It's Friday. Sex?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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