He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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