I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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