I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
