From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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