i need an iv and a liver transplant
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
