I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Alive.
So much puke
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
