the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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