I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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