There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
