This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
