im six kinds of drunk right now
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
