either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
