Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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