At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
