did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
