TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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