my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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