i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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