No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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